"Argh! I did it again! I’m like my mom again, feeling like a victim, feeling powerless...”
Since I began on the self development journey with high ambitions, I’ve had many times when somehow I managed to fail at what I had set out to do.
More action didn’t mean more results, many times it just meant more frustration.
BE DO HAVE
You know about BE DO HAVE? Well, reading a lot of self development books and attending courses and workshops, I found out that the underlying problem was with the first part of the BE DO HAVE formula.
So, I began to get work on that, using different techniques. Many have been really helpful, but others didn’t have the impact that I was going for.
Some of the techniques meant digging deep into my subconscious and emotions, so that I can uncover what was blocking my “success”.
Most of the problems that I was experiencing were related with the relationships I had with my parents, my grandmother and my brother, as they were my caretakers when I was growing up.
Again, some of them, thankfully, got solved, but others kept coming back, but this time, I was more conscious of their source, which was great. Ok, maybe I wasn’t conscious about it when the emotions were high in intensity, but when they cooled down, I was able to make sense of how I got to feel that way.
And then, it backfired...
All good until now. A situation that backfired is that I began to focus on the issues too much, making it a sense of “spiritual pride” that I was able to identify where that came from. What I didn’t realise was happening, is that I began corelating my family with those childhood traumas, rather than appreciating them.
I was inspired to write this article after the interview that I did with Aryeh Weinstein, a brilliant Rabbi from Philadephia. He said that he’s grateful for his parents for he sees many of their qualities in him as well.
It hit me at that moment. I’ve been focusing so much on healing my past and on overcoming my limitations from my childhood, that I didn’t even think about the beautiful qualities that my caretakers have and I didn’t take any time to admire them and appreciate them.
What a fool I was. There’s this quote from T. Harv Eker:
Where attention goes, energy flows and results show. - T. Harv Eker
I think it’s a wonderful quote, and I think about it often. In my trying to solve my issues, to become a better human being, I’ve given too much attention to the problems, not that it’s good to ignore them, no way, but it stole my attention from appreciating them and bringing gratitude in my heart as a form of healing.
What to do? Ask yourself...
What are the qualities that I appreciate about my mother?
What about my father, what do I appreciate about him that I also see in myself?
Make sure you do this with all of your caretakers as you grew up. I have an older brother and my granny, which has passed on, but for which I have a great love and admiration.
Do this experiment with me, I’m really curious what would happen, both on the outside, but especially on the inside.
Take 10 minutes right now and write down the answers to the questions above.
Write down 7 things, but focus on them as much as possible along the day. Be aware of how you feel about them as you do this, be aware of how you feel about yourself as you do this.
Please share with me your experience in the comments below, I will also let you know in a future article how the experiment went for me as well.
Thank you for reading until the end and I hope this is going to have a powerful positive impact in your life.